Monday, September 8, 2008

I want you to want me

"Are you happy?" he asked coolly, after a long day of packing and preparing the house.

"About what?" she said lightly.

"About how everything happened. Is this what you wanted?"

"Well, I can't say that I totally wanted a divorce. But something needed to be different. If this is the way it needed to work out..." she shrugged. "What about you? Are you OK? Do your people call to check up on you?"

"Like who?!" he looked at her incredulously.

", friends, you know - your tribe." She looked at him, searching his face for a sign he was really OK. "Do you wish I had called you more?"

"No..." he started. "But that's just it. You didn't call."

"Well, we were separated, I figured you didn't want to hear from me. So, I gave you your space," she said, surprised.

"But if you wanted me, if you really wanted to hear from me, you would have been calling, emailing. Through this whole thing I never felt like you even wanted me. It's been like that for a while. And when it came down to it, that was a deciding factor for me. I didn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Deida writes that the feminine must want her man more than he wants her... I never felt that."

She was taken aback. Deida also writes that a needy masculine is a big turnoff for the feminine. She wants a man who knows what he wants. Decisive. On task. Directed. The Yang to her Yin.

Apparently, in this case, they both missed each other's boat in terms of meeting needs and setting into practice an up spiraling dynamic of zesty l-o-v-e and healthy desire. They both seemed to hit the turned-off switch.

But, did they drop the ball? She considered this cycle: The feminine wants a man who knows what he wants and meets her desire. Man wants a woman who wants him (and perhaps to hotly get in his pants) and who meets his desire. Man who wavers on his direction makes woman test him. Man needs to reassure woman's testing to maintain his authenticity in her eyes. Without reassurance, woman will continue to test man out of his mind until he questions his every move and is rendered helpless by her puzzle (this eternal mystery of woman?) - disabling him to go in any direction. Yet, woman is still turned off by this weak Yang of a male -- and this off switch stays on lock down until he gets moving again. Once he motivates, then she's on to him like flies to a ... well, you get the picture. That swarming Desire is alive again as long as the dynamic energy between the two is flowing. Without that, nothing moves in this tennis match.

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