Whenever I came back from a walk or dinner out with my girls, Kyle would always asked if we talked about our men all night. To which I pretty much said: yes.
"I mean, don't guys talk about their girls and relationship issues when they get together?" I asked him.
"No." he replied with a blank look on his face.
"Well, what do you guys talk about then?" I asked.
"I dunno, but we don't talk about you."
Wow, I thought. I couldn't imagine a conversation with a close friend not covering the current state and status of our relationships. It's how we deal and commiserate and offer advice and wisdom to each other. It's our outlet, release, and way of knowing that we're not alone. In a way, I sometimes feel like we are sharing the story of all women in a fundamentally essential way by sharing our own stories about relational scenes and scenarios.
If men don't seek this outlet with each other, where do they find it?
The guy that cut my hair said to me once: "As a whole, our society doesn't give us or promote the tools to we need to react and grow consciously, in relationships - with lovers and acquaintances."
Another darling male BFF wrote to me on this very issue: "It seems that there's a lot I take for granted about relationships. I wish they were better circumstances that brought about this discussion, but men don't often have this kind of dialog - I mean the kind that goes beyond what's covered in Cosmopolitan. I don't know if women do, but it seems like a lot is lacking the the social knowledge bank."
So, what's lacking in the social knowledge bank? More importantly, WHY?
Ever since Kyle and I started counseling this summer, he's been waking up to a new game plan when it comes to himself and his relationships -- one that squashes the tired, residual fratboy manual of the ol' in and out. The first book that was recommended to him was The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida. After I read this book, I was doubly impressed and felt it should be required reading in Sex Ed - or future classes I forsee taught in schools of the future on Relationships: the energetic You and the energetic World.
Kyle has bought this book for a handful of his friends, and they now meet to discuss it. Some even bring to the table success stories -- things that worked -- in relating to the essential feminine in their lives. He pitches the book to them as: "If there was one book that would answer all of your questions, would you read it?"
So far, it's been a resounding yes from his circle of friends.
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