Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Cloud of unknowing

For a week she was excited at the prospect of meeting a well advertised fellow out for a little hike around the area's most popular park. According to the account, he was a catch and a half, and part of the small percentage of the population that garnered the approval of her man list.

She arrived at the correct date and time for the blind meet-greet, and the man she had been expecting was no where to be seen. Another boy was in his place, and she tried hard to hide the disappointment from the barometer of her tell-tale face.

And therein lie the headlining lesson: expectations (as in, the ones that her imagination had been running away with for over a week).

After that day, she knew that if this Blind Date thing picked up, the rules needed to be changed. There needed to be no preliminary screening or briefing or information exchanged from the mediating party. Both of the blind participants needed to be prepared to be surprised - for better or for worse. The no peeking rule needed to be mandatory to protect the silver lining in the cloud of unknowing.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Villa Caliente

She had been on the market for a piece of real estate for over a year. As she drove up to the Spanish-style condo units on the east end of town to check out the room with a view, the red tiled roof and flesh-toned stucco reminded her of a tropical resort villa. Inside, the entrance was graced with frondy palms."If this unit comes with a cabana boy, I'll take it," she said to her realtor.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Serpent power

She stood in front of her dance instructor in the little studio on a warm late June evening. He was teaching her about the secrets of the close embrace. It was about connection and presence - as in being with your partner in every breath of the tango.

As he demonstrated the way that their axis should be complimenting each other, and how it shouldn't look and feel, he asked: "Do you feel the difference? It's like you want to be here. You're in this moment and that's all there is."

As they moved up and down the length of the dance floor, her chest resting on his, he spoke his reminders to her as if they were a mantra: "Come closer. There. Reach back more with your legs, as far as they'll go. Aliven your spine. Yes. Come closer, still. Yes. Feel the subtle spiral with each step. Breathe. Breathe with each standing leg. There. Let your hips go. Even more. Yes. Shake that serpent awake..."

She looked up at him, surprised by what he said. She had to laugh: this was the third time in a week that reference to her Kundalini had arisen in private conversation. "That's my homework for the year," she said, as she felt a part of her shell, another layer, crack and fall to the floor like a small existential breakthrough. They kept moving in the line of dance, heart to heart.

As they had reached the end of the floor, he stopped. "Did you feel that?" he asked. "Did you feel the connection, that's what this dance is about."

She nodded and noted, "It's hard to be that way if you really aren't feeling the connection with your partner. I can't seem to fake it."

"I want you to know and be that for yourself, no matter who you're with. You can't meet rigidity with rigidity. Some partners won't even get what we just did. You have be this for yourself. I want you to own it. It's yours - don't let any partner take that from you."

And with that, another layer fell to the floor and shattered as her little heart opened a bit more. She looked at him with eyes at the tear threshold and confessed the bigger take home assignment that had been universally issued that year.

Revolution & renaissance

She tucked a flower in her hair as she read her Brezsny horoscope for the week. The universal love letter got her thinking about the questions she needed to consider to really get to the heart of the matter, or rather, the matters beating in her little heart:

Virgo for the week of June 25:
There's a better than even chance that you're about to embark on a Summer of Love. To improve your odds even more, meditate on the following questions.
1. What qualities do you look for in a lover that you would benefit from developing more fully in yourself?
2. What do you think are your two biggest delusions about the way love works?
3. Is there anything you can do to make yourself more lovable?
4. Is there anything you can do to be more loving?
5. Are you willing to deal with the fact that any intimate relationship worth pursuing will inevitably evoke the most negative aspects of both partners -- and require both partners to heal their oldest wounds?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Shock & awe

"Wanna come see that band with me on Friday?" her friend asked.

"Sure. But I can't stay out late," she said.

"Why? Do you have a hot date?" her friend replied in jest.

"Yes," she said matter of factly.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


It was solstice. She was sending out her thank-yous to all of those beloved souls who had helped her along her path, letting go of all that didn't serve her, and rounding up all of her intentions for the year, ready to set them free, including the man list.

Meanwhile, she felt safe in the presence of her guides, and trusted the pathfinder who would help guide her through this walkabout of a Saturn return. She was moving forward with intention, desire, courage and action, following her soul's path and saying yes to all the opportunities that lit up like fireflies along the way.

She was moving toward a vision that looked like a gallery space, tall windows, wood floors, driftwood sculptures, white open walls bearing her photographs ... and she stood in the middle of it all wearing a black dress, looking up to a beau as if they were about to step into a dance. The scene was stunning, and she would find out soon enough who the mystery man would be.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Dually important

Trying to put a finger on his innate dual natures, she asked him these two questions: "What do you want?" and "What does your deepest self desire?"

Strangers on a hotel bed

As they approached Dickinson, ND, coming from southwest Montana and bound for St. Paul, the clock was approaching 3am. He looked to his co-pilot and suggested that they find a place to sleep for the night.

She had gotten his number from the ride board on campus and had just met him a few days ago to discuss the trip back at the end of Spring semester. They had left late in the day, which had set back their departure and pending arrival to the homeland, which irked her slightly. She trusted him enough to catch a ride home with him, but she wasn't sure if she trusted him enough to share a hotel room with him. All she knew was it was 8.5 more hours to the Cities, and she was exhausted.

He stopped the tired old Jeep Grand Cherokee at the AmericInn & Suites and offered to go check on vacancy. Her 3 a.m. mind was writing the game plan for how she would eschew any and all advances (or worse) that might ensue.

As he came back to the car he had a funny look on his face which she couldn't discern. "Well, they don't have any double rooms either," he said. "the only room they had left was the honeymoon suite, so they gave it to us at a reduced rate." He grinned.

She laughed, too, at the irony of the situation and began amping up that game plan as she brought in her things.

There was only one bed in the room, but it had 6 pillows and was a California King, so they could each have their own hemisphere and be separated by pillows. "I won't sleep naked tonight." he assured her. And although the Jacuzzi tub was a nice respite for the two of them in their makeshift swimwear, nothing really got any hotter.

As she had nestled on to her side of the bed, and he had turned off the TV, he rolled over and flopped his leg over the great wall of divider pillows, talking to her as he was drifting off to sleep.

"So you've never had sex?" he asked, referencing an answer from their game of 21 questions on the lonely stretch of eastern Montana highway.

"Nope." she replied.

"Do you ever want to?" he asked.

"Someday, but not yet." she said.

He sighed in disbelief. "I can't believe you've held out for this long," he said.

"It's not that hard." she said, blowing off his amazement of her will power.

Operation: Man Hunt

From: PM HQ
Subject: Project Man Executive Summit

With all the recent activity fluttering around the office of The Project Man Initiative, the amount of progress reports that have been filed is astounding. We are proud of your achievements - from dates and conversations, to man list revisions.

We're tickled to remind you of the Project Man Executive Summit on the afternoon of July 4, 2009. The place will be announced in another email and is to be kept top-secret. We will be scanning your HQ ID at the entrance, and further meeting clearance will require retina scan.

Here is a brief agenda:
1. releasing the lists
2. letting guards down
3. putting your feelers out
4. acceptance & pliability (a review)
5. "the one"?
*There will be time for a quorum for adaptation of Articles and Amendment voting.

To all Cougars and Cubs-in-training: In regards to the new code name - Operation: Man Hunt - please note that there will be no need for ammo (except for your innate beauty) and that camouflage and animal prints are strictly optional. Do note that you will all be adept at hunting by the end of the summit.

# # #

Correspondant feedback

As the external advisor & board member for The Project Man Initiative, he is often asked to review important documents relating to individual missions to assess the cause for effectiveness and utmost clarity.

After a recent memo from the powers that would be finding men that fit the bill had requested more detailed lists, a flurry of Man List revisions happened at Project Man Headquarters in the past weeks, and many of these had arrived on his desk for revisionist commentary and suggestions.

One in particular had struck him. "This list author seems to have taken the memo seriously..." he mumbled to himself as his eyes rolled down the page, and onto the second page. "...and maybe this list should be sent to the faeries with a decoder ring, or Cliff Notes," he thought as he reached point numerated 103.

After taking it all in and surveying the points, he carefully wrote the following assessment on a fresh sheet of letterhead:

"While I don't know anyone, outside of myself, like the guy you are looking for, I do believe in a parallel universe, so I have hope. It is a great list. Give it up, and let it go.... No one should be overlooked from "soul mate" status if all points of the list are not met. Should the scent of love be in the air, I would like to remind you to review the chapters on pliability and acceptance in the PM HQ handbook just to avoid rigidity to the list-as-principle if a guy does not comply with any of the provisions in any of the Articles Provided Herein..."

Find me a find

"Are you ready to date?" her friend asked.

"Probably not," she smiled honestly. "Why? Are you looking to hook me up?"

"Yes." Her friend's eyes lit up as she began pronouncing an advertisement that sounded strikingly like the little one's latest man list. "If there's a spark, you two would be perfect together. But romantical interests aside, you both need to know that you each exist in your lifetimes and therefore must meet."

The little one, at once stunned and grinning, had heard an echo of this boy about 2 years ago - while she was deciding whether or not she wanted to get married. She was never introduced to him then, and was now wondering if there was a distinct reason for that. She was pretty sure there was.

"Well... can I give him your number?" her friend persisted and pleaded: "Say YES!"

"How could I say no?"


"What have you been doing?" he asked.

"Taking up space and enjoying myself," she said.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Too much to ask?

As she was putting the finishing touches on the perpetual work in progress, her hundred-plus-point man list (draft 3), she began to realize that the first 4 items alone had cornered any possible male demographic to a very small percentage. She began to wonder if this guy existed, but still had a good feeling about all this.

Later, whilst sharing parts of the list to a pal over happy hour, her friend looked at her with big eyes and laughed: "Wow, I can't wait to meet him."

Neither could she.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Gimme an O!

10 Things You Didn't Know about Orgasm, by Mary Roach, via TED.

How much do you love your ultrasonic toothbrush?