When words become superfluous

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." - Ingrid Bergman

Elephant Journal has a great article by Wendy Strgar of Good Clean Love about (my favorite topic) the mindfulness practice that is kissing: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/06/the-art-and-science-of-a-kiss/

And, here is an excerpt (since I couldn't clip just one enticing quote...):

"Kissing is the building block of intimacy. Done with intention and passion, the kiss is the most profound of all our communication devices and the pathway to sustaining loving relationships.

"Think back to some of the hottest sex you ever had and you might remember that you were fully clothed and that the sex happened entirely between the lips – and what lips we have for the job… It turns out when you study philematology that human lips have the slimmest layer of skin on the body and are among the most densely populated with sensory neurons of any bodily region, more so than fingertips or even genitalia. That isn’t the only place where the human body is wired to kiss. Half of our cranial neurons influence the kiss by releasing a cascade of neural messages and chemicals, which create the intense euphoric sensations and the vital signals about the sexual/mating potential.

"And, no—it’s not just in your mind: everyone has a racing heart and finds him or herself breathless and maybe even a bit sweaty. It turns out that kissing is its own kind of fitness workout that both burns calories and requires significant muscular coordination. In fact, a total of 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles are used during a kiss. How can you not be completely present when you are deep in a kiss? It’s no wonder that ancient lovers believed that a kiss would literally unite their souls because the spirit was said to be carried in one’s breath. Two people fully entwined in each other’s kiss are united in connecting to the exclusion of all else.

"[...]It is no surprise that kissing is good for you. Studies show that increasing the frequency and dare I say the intensity of kissing in your relationship is found to lower your stress levels and increase your satisfaction with both your relationship and your life. [...]

"Someone once said that kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can’t hold back; so in the pursuit of a better and more perfect study of philemagtology—don’t."

Origins & Oscillations

Back in Senior High, I would meet my friend Alissa at the barn after class. We'd groom our horses until they glistened while we chatted like ... well, girls. In no time, we'd have mounted our most trusted steeds and confidants and ride off through the fields and forests, carrying with us the fervor and excitement of a conversation about... well, boys namely, and other interrelated minutia. Our rides were full of the fresh laughter and innocence of virgins filled with wonder and intrigue about all those would be firsts. Who would it be? What would it be like? Would it be messy? The curiosity of our conversations would be drown out by the rhythm of hoof beats in the soft dirt of the fields as we raced the butterflies through the tall grass.

"We could write a book!" I exclaimed from my saddle.

"We could call it 'Kissing Lessons'" Alissa replied, and our mirth, hopes and curiosities filled the trails through the pines.

Racing 10 years into the late spring of 2008: after years of experiences in the realms of love and relationship, and many stories worth telling, I found myself sitting in a rose garden at a local tea house for happy hour with two other beautiful and intelligent women in the same situation as myself. We were all still in our first relationship of 6 years -- first being the operative word. As we opened up our stories and dished them up to the table, we found similar variations on many themes.

But, more importantly, in light of the lack of comparison to any other relationship, we still were full of questions and uncertainty: Is this really what it's all about? Is this really it? What else is out there? Does everyone go through this? Are most people settling for relationships like this? WTF?!

What DO you do when all you know is a first love?

It all got me thinking -- that table of 3 lovely women who's firsts were really firsts & and the interrelated matter re: relationships that follows-- that these are much needed conversations, for women of all ages. Each story is another chapter of the book, another post on the blog roll.

What I took away from this much needed exchange, besides knowing that I'm not alone in my situation, was that these conversations need to be had for the sake of this awareness, for the sake of the storytelling. I realized that most people (I can only really speak for some women) are stifled in their relationship, but are either afraid to ask questions, or assume that "this must be normal" and in turn, shrink themselves by succumbing to the immensity of self-doubt. This often suppresses our voice, our intuition, the deep wisdom of our soul.

I also realized that not only do these discussions need to be had, but we need to learn the language necessary to be able to articulate what our hearts are trying to tell us, to trust it, and we need the tools to empower and transform our relationships into the healthy gardens that an intimate partnership is intended to be. We need this discussion for our own validation, the validation of our lived experiences, as we trace the movement of desire.

But, as Shakespeare wrote in A Midsummer Night's Dream, "The course of true love never did run smooth."

And, it is here we begin.