Friday, July 31, 2009

True religion

"A woman whom we truly love is a religion." -Emile de Girardin

Monday, July 27, 2009

As you wish...

There's a passage in The Princess Bride (the book) where Buttercup tells her parents she's 'overtired.' Her mom replies: "Terrible things can happen when you're overtired. I was overtired the night your father proposed."

Saturday, July 25, 2009


There was only one contender left in 'Crush Status' for her Project Man fieldwork progress report. This one has withstood 'the list' and has continued to impress. So far, so good. But, the crush was still young, and there was much more fieldwork to be done. She rolled up her sleeves.

Not you not me

"In deep love it happens that the two persons are not two. Something between the two has come into being, and they have just become two poles. Something is flowing between the two. When this flow is there, you will feel blissful. If love gives bliss, it gives bliss only because of this: that two persons, just for a single moment, lose their egos. The "other" is lost and oneness comes into being just for a single moment. If it happens, it is ecstatic, it is blissful, you have entered paradise. Just a single moment, and it can be transforming."
- from Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other, by Osho

Fo' sho

"Love brings freedom. Loyalty brings slavery. On the surface they look alike: deep down they are just the opposite, diametrically opposite. Loyalty is acting; you have been educated for it. Love is wild; its whole beauty is in its wildness. It comes like a breeze with great fragrance, fills your heart, and suddenly where there was a desert there is a garden full of flowers. But you don't know from where it comes, and you don't know that there is no way to bring it. It comes on it's own and remains as long as existence wills it. And just as it had come one day, as a stranger, as a guest, suddenly one day it is gone. There is no way to cling to it, no way to hold it."
- from Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other, by Osho

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The groom

After a long day brushing the horses in the heat of mid-summer, she stopped for a spell to sit in the shade with some iced mulberry tea and check her messages. She had one text from her latest crush, asking her how her day was and how she was doing. She texted back: "hot and dirty."

Demand curve

He had been wavering lately in everything. Not really here nor there, and not just a bad day. He wasn't aligned with his purpose and was being sucked down a vortex of 'small existential crisis' which to her had dragged on forever and three weeks past. At this point their relationship felt like she was schlepping along a dead log.

One day when he wasn't taking the magnitude of his rippling crisis seriously, she harnessed her inner Bodhidharma and decided to issue a wake up call, hoping that he would get his proverbial shit together.

She looked at him, in the middle of a discussion about their "us" that was meandering nowhere, and spoke with the love and sincerity of a zen master: "Don't f*cking waste my time. And I won't waste yours."


Fully loaded with snacks and supplies, they headed out in the early morning hours to embark on a road trip up west for the holiday weekend. Around Crazy Woman Creek, WY, they found themselves desperately out of gas, running on what could only be the vapors of fumes. They drafted uphill behind a benevolent and unsuspecting semi before exiting at the first gas station they spotted right before Buffalo, WY. They filled a 17.2 gallon tank with 17.75 gallons of gas, thus defying the laws of physics. After her own pit stop and experiencing yet another wonderful roadside restroom, she noticed that her comrade had bought some donuts.

She grabbed them. "Whoops. Those aren't on your diet. I'll have to take those away from you."

"Give me back my donuts!" he said, surprised and hungry.

"I'm doing you a favor," she said.

"I haven't started my diet yet," he said.

"Yeah, but you shouldn't eat those," she said.

"I'll eat anything round with a hole in it," he said.

A smile crept over her face as she began to laugh. "You should use that as a pick-up line."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

How to lose your date in 10 minutes

Tip #7: Over a seemingly peaceful meal, when he asks you a question, interrupt him gently, pull out a granny-sized pill case -- one with Monday - Sunday compartments -- and say: "Hold on, just a sec. I forgot to take my antispasmodic medication" as you pop a horse-pill sized multi-vitamin and chase it down with your drink.

Rock on

It was an evening like no other. A buzz was rimming through the crowd like a hive. They were hot and bothered in the summer eve, ready for the main act to take to their instruments and rev it up.

As the applause amped to a crescendo, the spotlights flash on the band. The lead singer took to the mic and introduced her voice into the evening air, as the crowd went wild:

"We're the French Ticklers," she smiled above the roar of the audience. "We're so glad you came. This first song will really get into your pants."


At the jazz gig at the St. Exspendy Hotel, the conversation changed tunes from vibraphones to vibrators.

"I just don't get it," she said. "All my friends keep talking about their vibrators. I've never been into it. I just prefer the real thing."

"I used to feel that way," her friend said. "But, you've also had good sex. I, on the other hand, have never had that experience, so the vibrator is great. It's better, faster, easier to clean up after. It's like "wham, bam, thank you Duracell.'"


She listened with a keen sympathetic heart to a dear friend who had been out east for the last two months of her brother's battle with cancer. He was in his early 40's, with a lovely wife and two little boys.

"We had some wonderfully poignant conversations at the end where he would start sharing his reflections with me, as if to counsel," her friend said.

"Did he share big life lessons?" she inquired.

"Yeah, he did," her friend said quietly. "He said, 'Never let work get in the way of a relationship.'"

She smiled, and knew how awful it was to be with someone who was married to their job first.

Internal memo

To: PM Executive Director

As a progress report, all I know is this:

The men keep appearing left and right, and then dropping like flies because of 'the list.' This list leads to great clarity and peace of mind, but leaves us wondering where all the potential suitors are?

Only mildly concerned,
The cub-in-training

PS. Is timing everything?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The joy of singlehood

They met up early to beat the summer heat and to keep holy the Sunday morning walk. It was an idyllic day, which was par for the course in this mountain town. The topic of these twalks usually centered around Project Man, and other important metaphysicalities.

As they reached the end of the route, she turned to her friend and said, "You know, these are really the best times of our lives. We really need to enjoy it."

Her friend raised an eyebrow at her reasoning, in questioning not disagreement. She knew how much the availability of her friends' calendars changed once a boy took the spotlight in their daily routine.

"We have so much time to ourselves as singularities. I mean, if we had boyfriends, we wouldn't have time to be out this early on a Sunday. We'd be too busy having sex."

Sunday, July 12, 2009


As social beings with a highly developed nervous system, being in relation with others poses so many challenges. At once you are simultaneously a semi-enclosed biological system driven by chemical reactions that can't compete with rational concepts - AND a thinking "I" falsely assured of your independence, denying the Darwinian principle apparent in every interaction - that is the pursuit to share your genes.

Being in a culture befuddled with a seriously confused cultural concept of love, it's hard to keep your wits about you if you're letting yourself be charmed and wooed by a potential suitor. Therefore it's imperative to process your gut feelings, your emotions, the facts, your projections and perceptions, etc., before getting caught up in the rush of it all and losing your bearings.

This is the process of Manalyzing, with the precept that it's good to train so that you're ready to run when you need to.

Manalyzing is a circular exercise of discussion that helps process the information streaming in from all the channels of the human experience -- all the many ways of knowing -- so as to work through the crossed lines of confusion to a grounded place of understanding what's going on.

Often, there are mixed signals to untangle. Before you waste beautiful bouquets on the 'he loves me/loves me not' riddle, start noting the signals you're getting: "He does [this] which makes me think he likes me, but then he does [this] which says the opposite? WTF?"

Pay close attention to your intuition, how you physically react in said dude's presence, and go with your gut if you sense any overt incongruities -- which are blatant red flags. (Red flags, no matter how flippant at first glance, should not be ignored - especially if they start flying at full mast within the first 3 months of a relationship.)

While you're tuning in to the situation, listen to your self as you try to sort it out. Are you making excuses for him already? If you answered yes to this question, please cross reference your man list. It's around 100 points for a reason: it details what you want, not the unclear loser that you don't need.

Is he matching any of the points on the man-list? Is he missing the boat? Is he really that hot that all the red flags don't matter? (The answer is 'No', btw.) [Just a reminder that the red flags are a warning of the clear and present danger to the precious, beautiful you that deserves to not have to worry about how to protect yourself in the midst of all this trouble / impending plague of doom.]

It helps to manalyze with a good friend who can help you see clearly, even when you're feeling muddled. Even if there's an attraction, the dude must clear the list itemizing the articles provided herein.


"What did he just ask you?" her friend said when the music died down enough to hear each other.

"He asked if I wanted something to drink," she said.

Her friend smiled. "I'm cracking up. He's totally crushing on you. This is so cute."

She didn't know what to think. She hadn't been crushed on recently, and vaguely remembered all of the guys that had crushed on her in the past. She never reciprocated, except for the persistent one, which she had ended up marrying way back when.

When would she have one of those mutual attraction moments? You know, the kind where that moment of simultaneous 'being seen' from across the room transcends the time-space continuum, propels you to each other, and the first thing you say when you reach that person face-to-face is a pleasantly exasperated 'where have you been?'?

The waiting was the hardest part. Until then, she was leading a full and intense life, knowing that what she was seeking was also seeking her.


Back in undergrad, she had a crush on this boy in her dorm. He was a freshman Adonis from the midwest, sporty in all the hardcore ways that make him a perfect fit for a mountain state university, sharp as a wit in his area of study over in the engineering department, and a free-thinking artsy fella who loved to cook and ski. He was charming, and he knew it. Yet, while his flirting mechanisms bordered on antagonistic, he was a good looker through it all, which was hard to overlook. He was up for any challenge of physical prowess on his beloved mountain bike, out climbing the famed surrounding canyons, bouldering at the student cove, or getting in a good workout at the gym. And he played the guitar - knew all of the Live from Luther College CD by heart, as well as more classical guitar pieces. On lazy afternoons in the dorm, he would come and sit in her dorm room and play while she read.

She thought he was the shit. He was cute. She was cute. They were perfect. And, their birthdays were a day apart. (And to her sophomoric mind, if that doesn't scream 'cosmic soul mate' status, what does?)

Of course, like all her crushes, nothing ever happened. She wasn't into playing the game (what game?) and hated games in general, so the flirty girls in the dorm captured his attention, and she pretended not to notice. They had a rapport as friends with strong mutual interests, backgrounds, smarts, and always something worthwhile to talk about.

When she left that beloved university town to finish up her degree in her home state before moving on to the idyllic mountain town for her graduate coursework, they lost touch. But, she thought of him often and randomly, like every time she saw a white Subaru. Some days, she had this strange feeling that he was here, they just hadn't crossed paths yet.

Her thoughts kept circling back to him more frequently as of late. She found herself contemplating all of this in the freezer section at the local grocery store, while getting smoothie ingredients and trying to ignore the coconut ice cream and all the pies. As she was tossing bags of strawberries into her cart and reaching back into the cold for more mango chunks, she heard a familiar sounding voice coming from behind the glass door of the frozens case that was fogging up from the warmer air of the aisle. She stepped back, let the door go with a bouncy slam, and there he was.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Sippy sip

She strode in just past happy hour and ordered her standard - The Mystique -- water, up, with a twist. It created such a stir with onlookers. Her beaming smile and joyous presence sparkled between sips and created such intrigue. In no time, she'd overhear requests to the bartender: "I'll have what she's having."

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Girls night, part deux

As their time at the swanky wine bar was sated in a post dessert glow, the lovely trio became a lovely duo ready for the late evening festivities taking place on the grassy lawn over at the St. Exspendy hotel. The little one was excited introduce her comrade to the good time that is moving to the rhythms of the brazilian band with the rest of the scene under the starry canopy of cerulean sky. And, of course, she was hoping to see the Adonis from earlier that evening (because, really, where else would he be if he was hip and with it?). She led the way through the glowing lounge area, and out to the crowded patio and the grassy lawn swarming with bodies moving enmasse around the band.

"Where do you want to go?" she asked her friend, as they stood above the lawn. "This side of the band or the other?"

"Let's go to the other side," her friend replied, looking mildly nervous about busting a move out in the sea of other movers and shakers.

Once they has assumed their positions close to the music, and there was grass between their toes, she kept scanning the crowd, waving hello to the people she knew. As they grooved on with the best of them, and she had begun to forget her aforementioned focus, it was then that she saw him.

"Ohmigawd! he is here!" she laughed to her friend, with a big grin.

"I never got to see him at the restaurant," her friend replied, trying to figure out who she was so excited about.

Ah, how she loved these seemingly Carpe Diem moments that were known to others as ballsy, when she would throw caution to the wind and go for it. She motioned with her hand to follow, and said, "Let's go say hi..."

Girls night, part 1

It was girls night again in the idyllic mountain town, and the three beauties strode on into the swanky upstairs localvore wine bar in a wake of compliments from the pedestrians and onlookers out on the town. Comments such as "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?" are returned with a graceful smile, but lately have just been par for the course as these things happen when experiencing the visions of loveliness that they were.

They sat at the quaint table by the tall windows overlooking the stunning mid summer view of dusk on the town's noteworthy landscape, and talked over the evening's itinerary of news, happenings, plot twists, desires and other points of discussion as they enjoyed their light happy hour fare and swirled their house reds between beaming and laughter.

Somewhere between drinks and dinner, but before dessert, a tall dark beau caught the little one's eye, and he held her gaze. She couldn't tell if he was just visiting, or a resident, but regardless, he looked like he had just come from a bouldering - tousled hair, sunglasses resting on his head like the crown of a recreating Adonis. "Ooh, enticing," she thought, and tried to focus back on the main dish of the evening, catching up with her favorite girls and the dessert menu. He caught her gaze again as he walked down the stairs to leave. She took it as a good sign, and silently hoped that he'd be at the dance on the patio at the St. Exspendy Hotel later.