Monday, April 27, 2009

Turning on new jeans

For the past few months, her trusty old pair of jeans weren't fitting right. These two went way back. They'd been together for 6 years, almost as long as her relationship with him. They had been getting shorter and tighter for a while, but almost overnight they were not a good fit.

At first, she thought it was her. "Am I getting the pudge?" she wondered. But it was nothing these jeans hadn't seen before, even though their fibers were now restricting and uncomfortable. "Maybe I grew," she said, expanding her thoughts about the situation. Then, she reversed the direct object: "Maybe they shrunk," she concluded. It was a paradigm shift metaphorically clothed in frayed denim.

And she set out to buy a new pair of jeans. More fitting ones. A pair that didn't make her feel like a problem.

Spring fever

is are was were be being been

Vital signs

You know that awkward moment when you know someone wants to kiss you, but you really haven't opened that door? Unfortunately, the puckering 'they' thinks the door is open. When the best thing they could do is knock first... or ask if they could come in.

Zen & the art of letting go

She needed to play more frisbee, she decided.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Limits of eternal sunshine

She saw him as she was leaving the post office while finishing up her errands for the week. He was in 'their' old car, the sexy black one with the turbo. She was surprised to see him drive by and wondered if he'd seen her too. Feelings and scenes of the genuinely good moments they'd shared popped onto the silver screen of her physical memory, and again by surprise, she found herself getting a smidge verklempt.

"What is this about?" she wondered as she explored that rising wave of emotions. She made a mental note to see the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Now that she'd been through a breakup, it might make more sense to her.

Later that evening, after reading about personality types in relationship and brain chemistry, she saw their personality strengths and weaknesses at play in the text, and (again) saw how the personal elements closed up and broke down their path together. She could trace it all through their 6 years in togetherness, almost moment by moment, scene by scene.

And not that she wanted to put humpty dumpty back together by any means, she wondered just how things could've should've would've happened had they been able to move through that impasse which caused them to quit each other. What steps would have been necessary to take? What personal growth shifts blossomed forth? What picture would they have painted together on the trailing outcome? Ultimately, how would they have started? How do you remove the layers of bitterness and resentment to dig yourself out of a toxic relationship space?

She knew that such longstanding sediments had built up them in their case. That takes courage and sometimes massive machinery to excavate the malleable soil that may lie beneath the mantles of hardened hearts and the sometimes impenetrable shell of the ego. In their case, breaking up was a long time coming dispite their history and mid-west work ethic. But what does it feel like to walk on the ego shells that have freshly fallen?

Heart to heart

She stood along the wall of the tiny dance studio and, as always, was immanently amazed at the yin-yang dynamic lessons inherently at play in the dance of tango. Tonight's class was no different as she listened to her instructor introduce the lesson plan of the evening.

"Guys - you need to have clarity and direction to lead the women across the floor. Ladies - you need to have patience. There can't be two leaders in this dance. The follower needs to wait for the cue, the energy flow from the leader. Don't anticipate what he's going to do. As a follower, there's a fine line between dictating and being a doormat," the instructor said. "The man proposes the step. It's the woman's choice to follow it. Let's practice that for the next few songs, step by step."


She picked up the book on personality chemistry at play in finding and building relationships, she took the test. She was NEGOTIATOR/builder-explorer-director. She was Libra rising according to Vedic astrology, a Scorpio rising in western astrology, an ENFP on the Meyers-Briggs. She needed to get her Mayan chart done, and find her enneagram number, and then, maybe then, she'd be able to channel her soul mate with complimentary numerology and cosmic geometry...

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Playing the field

"Well, did you get his number?!" he asked, excited for her progress at getting out to be seen, editing the 'crush status' list and perhaps finding a new one to add to the list.

"No!" she laughed. "I was playing "peripheral offence." We showed up, talked to the band and had to leave at 11:30. It was past our bedtime. He didn't get a chance to ask for my number. But he could certainly get a hold of it by other means if he wanted to..."

Thursday, April 9, 2009

To top it off

The clerk was chatty tonight at the organic grocer. As he pulled her pineapple through the checkout, he asked: "Do you want to keep the top on?"

She smiled, knowing the apt reply. "No," she said. "You can take my top off."