Sunday, March 15, 2009

Cliff notes, part deux

... and what should I do during this 90 day waiting period if I can't have sex with him and so I can find out who he really is, you ask?

Enter in golden nugget #2: the 5 questions to ask your man before you get in over your head.

These are questions that should be discussed not only within the first 3 months, but possibly, with in the first month, or even the first 3 dates. His answers to these questions will give you your answers about "where this [you&him] is going."

1. What are your short term goals?
2. What are your long term goals?
3. What are your views on relationships? (friendships, dating, family, work, etc.)
4. What do you think about me?
5. What do you feel about me?

Notes for #1
a. make sure he has short term goals and that what he's currently doing now is in line with where he wants to be.
b. see how you fit into those short terms goals: i.e. if those short terms goals include time for a you, or if he's really unavailable.

Notes for #2
a. make sure his long term goals fit with his current path, short term goals, etc.
b. do you see yourself in his long term plan?

Notes for #3
a. this will clue you in to his views on family life, family issues, past relationships, work relationship theory, what he thinks a long-term / ideal relationship is like, etc.
b. compare your ideals / views with his, and make note of the incongruities

Notes for #4
a. he should say more than: "I think you're nice." Prod for specifics, get detailed responses. If he can't rattle off a handful of lovely things about you, then he hasn't been paying attention.
b. He should be paying attention.

Notes for #5
a. This one is key for any forthcoming interactions with said dude: intimacies, dates, conversations, or a biddance of thee farewell.
b. He should be able to articulate how he feels about you, even though it may be hard for him to go to that emotional place that he really doesn't like to visit often.
c. if there's no verbal display of feelings, then take silence as the answer to move on.
d. if he passes this question, gold star.

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