Sunday, January 4, 2009

What kisses like a suction cup and can't find ...

Frustrated with the insensitivity and lack of Don Juan skills she's found in her men so far, she divulged the latest of the terribles: ".... and the most recent on was the worst...he kissed like a plunger. Not kidding. Or like when you press your lips together and suck in -- that noise. I don't know if I would want that below the belt even if he was willing. Oh, but this is the best part: in the middle of sex -- granted he was wearing protection so sensation was limited, and they must have been super crappy ones cause they were very crinkly, like Saran wrap, or more like color Christmas cellophane -- so, apparently he wasn't super touchy-feely and his sense of direction wasn't that great either. I mean, it either slipped out, or whatever, and he was trying for another go, and said something like: 'how are we doing down there' where's the hole?(??) So, I said 'to your left' and started laughing - couldn't help it. He was a little embarrassed. But seriously, get some skills."

Before she finished, she added exasperatedly: "Someone needs to teach these guys to be better lovers. We need a brigade of real sex-educators... seminars on more than just sowing the seeds of love. We need knowledge about the dynamics of desire, the pleasures of the luscious text of the body..."

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