What I thought you said

A fan of the hilarity of mis-heard lyricism, in which the meaning of songs goes awry, I often find myself mis-hearing comments, especially on road trips. On the wide open spaces of the open road "Did you see this lane is closed?" sounds like "Did you see that lady's clothes?" Where a comment about "getting enough air" morphs into "get an end of the affair." Where something entirely unrelated to food is received as "Did you say you had pumpkin bread?!"

Due to crappy reception, this also happens in dialogue on my cell phone. Case in point: a conversation with a my incredibly loving and fearlessly interrogative friend, Bethy, with whom hard questions are thrown out like cliches and no questions are taboo. I tell her everything.

She called to segue into the current state of my union via a question about basil.

"He left yesterday morning. and I'm kind of in this limbo space. We're still monogamous, but I feel like I'm just waiting... Obviously my homework is on hold..." I said.

"Did you have good-bye sex?" she asked.

"I'm sorry. You cut out. Say it again?" I asked for a repeat.

"Did you have good-bye sex?"

"What?! Could I have good bi sex? In the meantime you mean? Oh, well... I'm not sure that was in the contract or that I'd even be interested..." (Oh my terror. Did she really say that. That was so left-field. I was so confused. Wtf.)

"No no no! [laughs] good-bye sex -- you know, like hello, good-bye, I'm leaving. Sometimes it can be good because you're both so vulnerable..." she clarified.

"[Copious amounts of laughter and audible relief] Oh, god no. None of that. And none of what I thought you said, either."