Sunday, July 6, 2008

Peradventure: an excerpt from the wedding diaries

I hear the wedding doubts get worse as the day approaches. Just when I wanted to stop thinking about all of this... there are some things in my inbox that make forgetting difficult, such as the recent word-a-days. But on the other hand, invites have finally been sent out, and though there are moments of doubt that linger, it can only be normal, ...right?

previse, To foresee or to forewarn.

premorse, adj.: Having the end abruptly truncated, as if bitten or broken off.

strident, adj.: Loud, grating, strongly expressed.

peradventure, adv.: 1. Maybe; possibly. 2. n. Uncertainty; doubt.

dehort, v. tr.: To discourage from doing something.

Lately, I'm questioning marriage in it's most common form of social extravagance and the heart of its meaning. I could go on a tirade re: "the silliness and the absurdity: How I really feel about all things wedding." I just read some Slate articles from their wedding issue, and I have to say I agree with all of it. Weddings are severely overrated. There is a sick amount of cost involved on this one day. And despite history and common practice, money has everything to do with the day itself, but has nothing to do with the reality of fostering and entering into an aware relationship.

If I had to tout my recent experiences through a class list, it would be as follows:

Us & Them: the myth and the narcissism of "my day" syndrome

Craziness & Emotional Upheaval (see also: theories on Marriage vs. Reality: pre-marital talks & brave questions (see also: personal excavation & 'why am I really doing this?', threat of pre-marital divorce)

Single vs. Couple: a discussion

Compromise 101: Metamorphosis into the sum of the parts, without losing the parts of the sum.

He still talks about getting a tux. I talk about something in Patagonia. Or another cute black dress.

"Nothing in black," he told me.

"But a tux is black," I reminded him.

A wedding is, after all, the death of one thing and a transition into another in some circles of parlance. Really, it's just a party. I've tried to streamline this for my own sanity, the sanity of others, the very possible and attainable simplicity of it all: an overall lack of pomp and circumstance, and a chill evening for the enjoyment of even those who despise going to wedding-related events, like me specifically.

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