"Less Caveman, more poetry"

I am trying to convince my snuggle-buddy that tantric is the way to go. We are energy centers after all, and a little intimacy never hindered anyone's bliss vibe.

I got my haircut a while back with Rob. As always, it was stellar. We talked about a myriad of things, talked through things, saw both sides, came up with more questions, options for solutions. Eventually, we began talking about sex: how some guys want it, just it, and come home thrusting.

"Yeah, that just doesn't work for me." I admitted.

"You mean, you need less caveman, more poetry?" he asked.

"Heck yes. Is that too much to ask!?" I said.

In the movie Trust the Man, there is a scene that I re-lived a couple weeks ago. I wanted to ask some fellow boys in my life a pertinent question along the lines of "So, why would guys think that they should be able to "get some" without being decent grown-up human beings and have a real honest relationship?"

Why can't they look you in the eye? Why the speed and roughness? Why so animal like? Why is it such a problem to have decent foreplay? Why can't we all have tantric sex like Sting? Who wouldn't want to go through some emotional / intimate leg work to have that connection?

Men are not as strong as we give them credit for. They weren't meant to ride with clouds between their knees..."I'm only a man, in a silly red sheet," sings Five for Fighting's frontman.

A friend once told me: "Just remember, that they're not as important as they think they are. All that posturing and what not is just to cover up their incompetence."

(Another once told me: "It's better to have a few good men, than a flock of morons.")

But I really think the question has to do with how men deal with the weight of patriarchy -- the pressures, the ideals, the invisible subconscious programmings that generations of patriarchy has implanted on the male psyche -- a weight that's difficult to shrug off in the space of social convention and convenience because it calls for a paradigm shift and a new way of being in the world and in relation to the world's inhabitants.