My present for you

"What's funny," he said, "is that so often people think that women are the ones to start thinking of long term plans right away in a relationship. When really, they tend to measure if the guy is long term relationship material. Whereas guys have the tendency to lose the moment entirely for the sake of planning for the future. We can get so wrapped up in the long term plan and fail to see what's right in front of us, right now. And, that's where so many of us screw up. Focusing on 'right now' is where that lasting connection happens."

True story

She once had a cute waiter
and asked for him for dessert -
She got him.

If she knew then what she knew later,
she would have sent him back
and asked for the chocolate cake.

Cameo

"I had a dream about you again last night," she told him.

"Oh, really?" he said.

"Yeah. You weren't wearing much, " she noted.

Butterflies & passion & two rockers on the porch

I just read this savvy, poignant thought-laden post from Kelly Diels blog, Cleavage, about Love in the Time of Las Vegas. I loved her musings on the lasting butterflies and passion, wondering if it all lasts through time - such that it's all still there along with 2 rockers on the porch some 50 years later. I enjoyed her stats about those relationship-reconnections that stay together longer - or, last an extra, extra, extra long time. I highly recommend a little jaunt over there and taking a peek.

Now, I'm going to go practice my tongue-asanas...

Repulsion potion

On a rage against the traveling seasonal flu-bug, she skipped the pharmaceuticals and started popping garlic. By the clove. "This better work," she said, "Because this is a strong dose of repulsion keeping potential suitors at a distant bay." Not to mention, it was killing her kissability. She might as well have just worn a cowbell.

Nobody puts baby in a corner

"How do you feel about kids?" he asked.

"Do I look like I have birthing hips?" she answered.

Love spell

"For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words." - Isabel Allende

Simply the best

Another Jake-ism:

"Good relationships inspire each partner to the best of themselves; the best inspire both partners to create — together — something of special significance, a greater good, a union of two individuals that bears the fruit of something even more sublime than possible on their own."

Particularly

(I totally stole this from Jake)

"In that high place in the darkness, the two oddly sensitive human atoms held each other tightly and waited. In the mind of each was the same thought: “I have come to this lonely place and here is this other.”" - Sherwood Anderson - Winesburg, Ohio

I'll take a Manhattan, please...

A January Manhattan. She was so tired of thinking about booking the flight to the big apple in the face of all the practical reasons not to. She turned off the lights on the rationale that looped in her mind - the white noise that stifled any forward movement towards her heart's desire.

"I'm tired of waiting," she said to herself. It only took a New York minute to book that ticket after all that deliberation and 'head vs.heart' mumbling. Her big spirit reserves needed some filling at the big city watering hole of creative buzz - and other adorable and chocolate dipped sights.

What's love got to do with it

With all of the mindfulness in relationships that I've seen/heard/read lately, it all makes me fully realize that healthy relationships pose all of the lessons for self growth. Any lessons not learned in past relationships, and left unreconciled, will be thrown right back in your face in the next relationship. And, we've all got our own set of lessons to learn in this lifetime. Being in a relationship amplifies the opportunity for self growth.

In a sense, relationships are the new ashram.

Like the Eskimo's many words for 'snow', the word 'love' has a plethora of meanings in our culture -- from the romance of chemistry, to the results of arranged marriages, and all the many layers of Hollywood's silver screen imprints in between -- What's love but a sweet old fashioned notion? With all these nuances and images, lyrics and emotions, do we really know what love is? What does real love look like?

A few years back, I asked this of my therapist at the time: "What's an ideal relationship look like?"

He replied that once a commitment is made the main theme in a healthy relationship should be about personal growth: "I think marriage is a state of firm long-term intention to do our best to be in a mutually supportive relationship, "in sickness and in health." This is how arranged marriages can be so enduring, and romantic marriages so often end in divorce. The fundamental concept also has to do with purpose. If the purpose of marriage is to have the other person make us happy, we are in for a rough ride because they will inevitably disappoint in one way or another. If the purpose of life is the fulfillment of consciousness - and we are intentionally, consciously using marriage as a way to confront and work with our limitations and complex personality structures - we have a chance."

Easier said than done - indeed. No one ever said inner work was a piece of cake, but with the right intention and momentous presence, hopefully you can have your cake and eat it too.

Catch me if you can

"I don't get it," she said. "I've never been asked out. I mean, am I unapproachable? I'm adorable, not a knockout, I can't imagine that would be an issue..."

"It's not that." he said. "You've always been amazingly independent and content with yourself -- both are great qualities, you shouldn't change. But some guys don't know how to even touch that. There's no weak spot."

This subtle revelation made her re-consider, momentarily, the aspect of "the hunt" in which the boys are to lead in this game. Maybe the culture of courtship asks too much of boys to play the instigator? (What happened to Grecian goddess of the same character - that of the huntress complete unto herself? The gods got creative...and great stories were made.) To counteract the imposing nature she apparently aired, she could let any forthcoming beaus know she was interested, but subtly, so as to not create a scene. But then, she had her druthers. She'd rather be pursued, by a confident god.

And all that jazz

What would happen if we looked at relationships through the lens of the jazz-improv model? Something along the lines where one starts playing and the other plays back, and visa versa, in some randomly, off-the-cuff, yet seemingly harmonious way towards composition.

And, perhaps, through this lens, there is a different view of the original note that started it all: "When love hits, just go with it."

to die by your side is such a heavenly way

Not typically an author applied to the workings of strictly human relationships, but a bit apropo:

"Breakdown provokes a space of possibility precisely because things don't work smoothly anymore." - Donna J. Haraway

Grandeur

"What are men compared to rocks and mountains ... and a carriage that works!" - Pride & Prejudice

The fever

"The first symptom of love in a young man is shyness; the first symptom in a woman, it's boldness." -Victor Hugo

Slow down my beating heart

There was a flurry of questioning at Project Man HQ concerning who should make the first move, why guys won't make the first move, what consititutes a first move, do guys actually 'get' the subtleties - or do they require an obvious, blunt approach? etc., and other burning questions.

Luckily, the PM HQ NYC correspondant-on-call calmly issued the best advice to settle the flurry with simple zen-like wisdom:

"Just show interest if you are interested.
Don't try. Just be.
If you find that you're interested, be interested.
If that is all you ever do, you will be fine."

Snow globe

She woke to a heavy dusting of snow, and flakes like bleached flies trailing past the slats of her blinds. "Who ordered the winter wonderland? What is it, Febtober? Where's my winter lovah?" she thought.

As she burrowed into the warmth of her bedding, she mulled over a question posed to her the evening prior: 'What are you thinking right ... now?' If she were to utter a response at this very moment, it would not be channeling the voice in her head, but instead shooting from the hip. Her 'now' felt more like this: "my body wants your body. close."

There, burning

The trail followed the semi-frozen riverbed, occasionally stretching over it. She stood on the rough hewn bridge, facing downstream, watching the water move away from her. From here, she released all the tired habits and patterns of her self-in-relationship, the relationship itself, and any other residual energetic blocks while offering it up to the current moving below.

Then, she turned around and opened to the water racing towards her from the falls. The flow of the current rushed past with gusto, filling her up. "I'm ready for a new love story," she said.

Pause

On a recent call into the The Project Man hotline, another crushing crisis was averted:

Caller: "I've had a crush on him for so long, and there he is. Again. Is this a sign? A joke? I'm trying to dim my hopeless romantic tendencies, but I need to talk to someone. It's been so fun to reconnect after I thought we'd never cross paths again..."

Hot PM line assistant: "OK, I'll walk you through this. Just breathe deep into your belly. The first step is to not be so quick to respond. Let it linger. In a sense, wait for his lead. Let him wonder where you are, what you're up to, what you're wearing. Let him call and check in. Wait for him to call you. Remember this: If he's not dying to hear the sound of your voice, your laugh and your deep thoughts, he's not fully alive."

Socks appeal

She sat on the edge of the couch next to him, pulling on a fresh pair of stockings to kick the autumn chill. "I love great socks," she said.

"And it always takes two," he winked.

I choose you

"He loved her, of course, but better than that, he chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing." - Sherman Alexie

Tender & permeable

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

MIA

She opened her eyes and glanced at the clock. The 6:30 AM sun glowed in her east window. She rolled over and stared at the ceiling. It was the Autumn Equinox. "Where did all those hot August nights go?" she wondered.

The scent of a woman

She held out her left arm. "Smell this," she said as they walked to the concert venue from her apartment.

Her friend raised an eyebrow, but sniffed the lingering scents from the perfume counter, as she narrated the choices she sampled and bought.

"And, there's one coming out for winter, that is just amazing," she continued.

"Does it smell like roses and chocolate?" her friend asked.

"Oh no," she replied excitedly. "This one smells like mystery and sex."

Mingle rhymes with tingle

"Nothing in the world is single,
All things by a law divine
In one another's being mingle —
Why not I with thine?"

- Percy Bysshe Shelley

True religion

"A woman whom we truly love is a religion." -Emile de Girardin

As you wish...

There's a passage in The Princess Bride (the book) where Buttercup tells her parents she's 'overtired.' Her mom replies: "Terrible things can happen when you're overtired. I was overtired the night your father proposed."

Contenders

There was only one contender left in 'Crush Status' for her Project Man fieldwork progress report. This one has withstood 'the list' and has continued to impress. So far, so good. But, the crush was still young, and there was much more fieldwork to be done. She rolled up her sleeves.

Not you not me

"In deep love it happens that the two persons are not two. Something between the two has come into being, and they have just become two poles. Something is flowing between the two. When this flow is there, you will feel blissful. If love gives bliss, it gives bliss only because of this: that two persons, just for a single moment, lose their egos. The "other" is lost and oneness comes into being just for a single moment. If it happens, it is ecstatic, it is blissful, you have entered paradise. Just a single moment, and it can be transforming."
- from Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other, by Osho