She had brazenly delivered her latest love letter.
And let out a deep sigh into the aftermath.
The silence could penetrate rocks.
She listened to the crickets chirping -
And then heard a knock on the door.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Magnetics
While I have a hard time keeping my secret crushes to myself, I also have a smidge of an issue with The Secret (that uber popular book from a few years back) -- as it doesn't go far enough into the excavation of self (read: all the inner work) necessary for a blissed out life.
While this piece over at CrazySexyLife has some Secret name-drops and themes, the essence is essential: You need to create space for what you want, take uber good care of yourself (all of you) in the process (and it's all the process), give good intention and set the expectation (expectation frosts all cakes), because (in the words of Clarissa Pinkola Estes) what you are seeking is also seeking you. Make some room for it.
Create that space for what you want. Create the space to be.
Barring the debate on the existence of soul mates and what they really are, the article's top-ten list is poignant for a simple, beautiful and lovely life. It takes cultivation: preparing the soil, planting the seeds, nurturing growth, vigilant weeding and weathering storms with grace and clarity -- which is all part of the harvest.
While this piece over at CrazySexyLife has some Secret name-drops and themes, the essence is essential: You need to create space for what you want, take uber good care of yourself (all of you) in the process (and it's all the process), give good intention and set the expectation (expectation frosts all cakes), because (in the words of Clarissa Pinkola Estes) what you are seeking is also seeking you. Make some room for it.
Create that space for what you want. Create the space to be.
Barring the debate on the existence of soul mates and what they really are, the article's top-ten list is poignant for a simple, beautiful and lovely life. It takes cultivation: preparing the soil, planting the seeds, nurturing growth, vigilant weeding and weathering storms with grace and clarity -- which is all part of the harvest.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Signed, sealed, delivered I'm yours
Inspired by Operation Secret Valentine and (my most favorite, ever) the fragments of Sappho, I harnessed my inner girl and busted out this little ditty after a long meditation for a you-know-whom.
There's nothing like the heartpouring out from twitterpated inspiration & exuberance. Why stop it? It feels so good.
yes she said and again yes and his hands and yes she said again she said yes
I like the idea of anonymity being at the heart of the Valentine's tradition. Sometimes it just helps to write a letter to the ether, to yourself, to a future someone, or to someone you adore from afar but you're not sure where their heart is at.
Write it out, offer it up, give good intention and open up the mystery. Who doesn't love a good riddle? I bet someone would love to hear from you.
Here's my secret valentine: 'hold that line.'
There's nothing like the heartpouring out from twitterpated inspiration & exuberance. Why stop it? It feels so good.
yes she said and again yes and his hands and yes she said again she said yes
I like the idea of anonymity being at the heart of the Valentine's tradition. Sometimes it just helps to write a letter to the ether, to yourself, to a future someone, or to someone you adore from afar but you're not sure where their heart is at.
Write it out, offer it up, give good intention and open up the mystery. Who doesn't love a good riddle? I bet someone would love to hear from you.
Here's my secret valentine: 'hold that line.'
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Let 'em in on your secret heart
"This very secret
That you're trying to conceal
Is the very same one
That you're dying to reveal
Go tell him how you feel
This very secret heart"
- Feist, Secret Heart
I'm no stranger to delivering random love note compositions, dropping subtle hints and gushing impromptu crazy crush confessions. It's almost become my modus operandi, and I'm fairly certain that I've managed to stun a handful of unsuspecting guys.
And I do this because life's too short to NOT say something ("Say what you gotta say," sings John Mayer and his Grammy), and after all, what have you got to lose? Nothing (as long as you're not all stalker-freak about the delivery).
On the other hand, maybe I resort to this because the ambiguity is just too much. You know, that whole "I think you're the most amazing thing ever, etc." feeling that wells up everytime you see them and you kinda wonder if the direct object of those affections has any clue whatsoever -- and more importantly, what might they be thinking about you?
We have so many inhibitions to sabotage potential and possibility. It's always nice to untie them, and see what happens.
Enter Operation Secret Valentine. Up for this lovely challenge? Here's the warm-fuzzy red badge of courage and where to sign up:
That you're trying to conceal
Is the very same one
That you're dying to reveal
Go tell him how you feel
This very secret heart"
- Feist, Secret Heart
I'm no stranger to delivering random love note compositions, dropping subtle hints and gushing impromptu crazy crush confessions. It's almost become my modus operandi, and I'm fairly certain that I've managed to stun a handful of unsuspecting guys.
And I do this because life's too short to NOT say something ("Say what you gotta say," sings John Mayer and his Grammy), and after all, what have you got to lose? Nothing (as long as you're not all stalker-freak about the delivery).
On the other hand, maybe I resort to this because the ambiguity is just too much. You know, that whole "I think you're the most amazing thing ever, etc." feeling that wells up everytime you see them and you kinda wonder if the direct object of those affections has any clue whatsoever -- and more importantly, what might they be thinking about you?
We have so many inhibitions to sabotage potential and possibility. It's always nice to untie them, and see what happens.
Enter Operation Secret Valentine. Up for this lovely challenge? Here's the warm-fuzzy red badge of courage and where to sign up:
The best damn thing
Have you ever done something 'ballsy'? Why does the incantation of boy-parts come to mind when doing audacious courageous things? No one ever says "harness your inner girl." Yet, compared to the intensity of being a woman, ballsy-ness is a little limp.
Eve Ensler urges us to embrace our inner girl @ TED.com:
Sunday, January 31, 2010
It's not complicated
While processing the latest in field work reports and sorting through a stack of mixed messages with a colleague from PM HQ, I decided it was time to re-visit the gospel of Greg Behrendt and bask in the most simple truths of masculine actions or lackthereof.
According to Greg, he's just not that into you if:
1. he's not asking you out
2. he's not calling you
3. he's not dating you
4. he's not having sex with you
5. etc.
Because, he says, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain't nothing that's going to get in his way."
"So what does normal look like?" I asked my cohort, needing a refresher about how clear these matters can indeed be.
Not wasting a second, she started the litany of testaments. "He wants to talk to you - for hours. He can't have enough of you. He thinks about you constantly. He admits all of this and tells you how wonderful you are. He can't wait to see you again - and asks when he can see you again - he shows up. He's continually asking you questions and wants to know more about you..." she paused. "Basically, he knows he wants you."
I smiled and was reminded that the heart doesn't talk logistics, doesn't rationalize, has its own schedule and perhaps isn't always fair. There's rarely any ambiguity about the heart's affections.
"The beginning of any relationship is that gooey-hot-chocolate-love that doesn't have a day-planner," she continued. "You want someone who's over the moon for you. There's so little hesitation in that."
But, oh - how often do we get so caught up in matters of head vs. heart? And how often do we let the head win?
According to Greg, he's just not that into you if:
1. he's not asking you out
2. he's not calling you
3. he's not dating you
4. he's not having sex with you
5. etc.
Because, he says, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain't nothing that's going to get in his way."
"So what does normal look like?" I asked my cohort, needing a refresher about how clear these matters can indeed be.
Not wasting a second, she started the litany of testaments. "He wants to talk to you - for hours. He can't have enough of you. He thinks about you constantly. He admits all of this and tells you how wonderful you are. He can't wait to see you again - and asks when he can see you again - he shows up. He's continually asking you questions and wants to know more about you..." she paused. "Basically, he knows he wants you."
I smiled and was reminded that the heart doesn't talk logistics, doesn't rationalize, has its own schedule and perhaps isn't always fair. There's rarely any ambiguity about the heart's affections.
"The beginning of any relationship is that gooey-hot-chocolate-love that doesn't have a day-planner," she continued. "You want someone who's over the moon for you. There's so little hesitation in that."
But, oh - how often do we get so caught up in matters of head vs. heart? And how often do we let the head win?
Secret heart
She took in the textured richness and breadth of each day's fullness and delighted in her most trusted friendships. She took great care of her mind and body and carved out a space in this life consistent with her most heartfelt values and visions. She was complete unto herself, and yet she had room in her heart that she wanted to share with an other of great significance.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Express your admiration
On a chilly evening this week, still missing about 3 nights of sleep, I ventured up the street to a divine meeting of brilliant women to enjoy wine and cheese and other yums and toss some topics into a bowl for big ol' discussions.
The first topic up for discussion that evening - after a report back to the group on success of the previously touted and oft doubted Man List ("I think it works..." I winked) -- was the topic of fidelity. That topic merged nicely with the next - which was marriage.
The responses voiced from around the room were as varied as the experiences of each of the women. One woman, who had always wanted to be married, had been in a relationship for 7 years with a man who'd been wed previously and was in no hurry - until she finally voiced that it was important to her. One divorced woman said she didn't need to be married again. One divorced woman said she wanted to be married again - that she wasn't going to be a girlfriend for 5 + years at her age.
Both of the women who'd never been married both voiced that they wanted to. From the married women, the voices were just as disparate. One was questioning her own marriage and flirting with getting out; one was loving motherhood and experiencing the frustrations of togetherness with her beau; and the other loved being married and considers her main squeeze as her best friend forever.
I sat there and listened to this texture of responses - so rich, and each rooted in their own context - and thought about my own position on the subject after a year of being out of a 7 year relationship that ended in divorce. And as my mind lingered with each of these ideas, I made a mental note to pick up Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Committed sooner rather than paperback-later.
Before I got married, I wasn't entirely stoked about the idea. I didn't really feel like I needed the commitment, the piece of paper, the legal binding. But I was also with someone who I wasn't entirely nuts about to begin with (but let's save that for later). However, as I sat there and checked in with myself, I realized I would do it again, but I'd take all I learned with me (mainly: to not ignore the heart's affections...or lackthereof).
This morning, I happened to follow a headline about Johnny Depp to a short blurb about the mother of his children and their relationship. I smiled at what she had to say about him - about the friendship, the admiration and the respect they have for each other, and how he fascinated her, still:
"I could go on and on about all the things I admire in him," she says. "I like watching him when he's thinking, when he's talking with people. I like seeing how he handles situations. I admire him as an actor, as a father, as a man. Above all, I admire the person he is. He's fantastic."
There's nothing like expressing your admiration (is it done enough? hardly). And when it comes down to it, I want to be nuts about someone and have someone be nuts about me - in mutual resonance. That seems mighty fine. Wedding or not.
The first topic up for discussion that evening - after a report back to the group on success of the previously touted and oft doubted Man List ("I think it works..." I winked) -- was the topic of fidelity. That topic merged nicely with the next - which was marriage.
The responses voiced from around the room were as varied as the experiences of each of the women. One woman, who had always wanted to be married, had been in a relationship for 7 years with a man who'd been wed previously and was in no hurry - until she finally voiced that it was important to her. One divorced woman said she didn't need to be married again. One divorced woman said she wanted to be married again - that she wasn't going to be a girlfriend for 5 + years at her age.
Both of the women who'd never been married both voiced that they wanted to. From the married women, the voices were just as disparate. One was questioning her own marriage and flirting with getting out; one was loving motherhood and experiencing the frustrations of togetherness with her beau; and the other loved being married and considers her main squeeze as her best friend forever.
I sat there and listened to this texture of responses - so rich, and each rooted in their own context - and thought about my own position on the subject after a year of being out of a 7 year relationship that ended in divorce. And as my mind lingered with each of these ideas, I made a mental note to pick up Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Committed sooner rather than paperback-later.
Before I got married, I wasn't entirely stoked about the idea. I didn't really feel like I needed the commitment, the piece of paper, the legal binding. But I was also with someone who I wasn't entirely nuts about to begin with (but let's save that for later). However, as I sat there and checked in with myself, I realized I would do it again, but I'd take all I learned with me (mainly: to not ignore the heart's affections...or lackthereof).
This morning, I happened to follow a headline about Johnny Depp to a short blurb about the mother of his children and their relationship. I smiled at what she had to say about him - about the friendship, the admiration and the respect they have for each other, and how he fascinated her, still:
"I could go on and on about all the things I admire in him," she says. "I like watching him when he's thinking, when he's talking with people. I like seeing how he handles situations. I admire him as an actor, as a father, as a man. Above all, I admire the person he is. He's fantastic."
There's nothing like expressing your admiration (is it done enough? hardly). And when it comes down to it, I want to be nuts about someone and have someone be nuts about me - in mutual resonance. That seems mighty fine. Wedding or not.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The new and improved fairy tale: to know and be known
Fresh off a long NYC weekend brimming with auspiciousness at every turn and viscous hot chocolate, where I spent ample time with one of my most favorite people (ever), I'm catching up on lost sleep and blogs.
The post that struck me the most is the latest by Kelly Diels on unraveling the dusty old fairy tale motifs, which peaks in top form: "We're all missing out on so much. What's missing: intimacy. To know and be known."
As we re-write our own love stories, perhaps this should be the new moral?
The post that struck me the most is the latest by Kelly Diels on unraveling the dusty old fairy tale motifs, which peaks in top form: "We're all missing out on so much. What's missing: intimacy. To know and be known."
As we re-write our own love stories, perhaps this should be the new moral?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Vague recollection
As the conversation turned to more salacious matters, she listened intently. "Sex ...hmm, that sounds familiar," she wondered aloud. "Is that what you put on your feet before you put on your shoes?"
Thursday, January 14, 2010
What is the sound of settling?
"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." — Maureen Dowd
Endowed
"If there's one thing men fear, it's a woman who uses her critical faculties" — Maureen Dowd
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
3 days past forever
While getting lost over in Kelly Diels Cleavage - I found this gem that makes me wonder - especially with a blog title like 'The Kissing Lessons' - how I missed this saucy literary passage from the pages of the kissing codices.
More importantly, of course, it makes me wonder how I could have missed out on this phenomenon of "...long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days…"
(Heaven knows this smooch deprived girl could use some spit and polish on a makeout session. And, admittedly, I would be the first to sign up for the 'kissing lesson booth,' but apparently, I'm totally missing out. More fieldwork is in order. I'll report back.)
More importantly, of course, it makes me wonder how I could have missed out on this phenomenon of "...long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days…"
(Heaven knows this smooch deprived girl could use some spit and polish on a makeout session. And, admittedly, I would be the first to sign up for the 'kissing lesson booth,' but apparently, I'm totally missing out. More fieldwork is in order. I'll report back.)
(More) talk about SEX (I beg of you)
There's a super smart post over at Kelly Diels' place that should get in your smarty-pants right now. You'll be glad you did:
http://www.kellydiels.com/2009/12/28/why-i-write-about-sex-and-why-arent-you-a-meditation-really/
http://www.kellydiels.com/2009/12/28/why-i-write-about-sex-and-why-arent-you-a-meditation-really/
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
My present for you
"What's funny," he said, "is that so often people think that women are the ones to start thinking of long term plans right away in a relationship. When really, they tend to measure if the guy is long term relationship material. Whereas guys have the tendency to lose the moment entirely for the sake of planning for the future. We can get so wrapped up in the long term plan and fail to see what's right in front of us, right now. And, that's where so many of us screw up. Focusing on 'right now' is where that lasting connection happens."
Monday, December 21, 2009
True story
She once had a cute waiter
and asked for him for dessert -
She got him.
If she knew then what she knew later,
she would have sent him back
and asked for the chocolate cake.
and asked for him for dessert -
She got him.
If she knew then what she knew later,
she would have sent him back
and asked for the chocolate cake.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Cameo
"I had a dream about you again last night," she told him.
"Oh, really?" he said.
"Yeah. You weren't wearing much, " she noted.
"Oh, really?" he said.
"Yeah. You weren't wearing much, " she noted.
Butterflies & passion & two rockers on the porch
I just read this savvy, poignant thought-laden post from Kelly Diels blog, Cleavage, about Love in the Time of Las Vegas. I loved her musings on the lasting butterflies and passion, wondering if it all lasts through time - such that it's all still there along with 2 rockers on the porch some 50 years later. I enjoyed her stats about those relationship-reconnections that stay together longer - or, last an extra, extra, extra long time. I highly recommend a little jaunt over there and taking a peek.
Now, I'm going to go practice my tongue-asanas...
Now, I'm going to go practice my tongue-asanas...
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Repulsion potion
On a rage against the traveling seasonal flu-bug, she skipped the pharmaceuticals and started popping garlic. By the clove. "This better work," she said, "Because this is a strong dose of repulsion keeping potential suitors at a distant bay." Not to mention, it was killing her kissability. She might as well have just worn a cowbell.
Nobody puts baby in a corner
"How do you feel about kids?" he asked.
"Do I look like I have birthing hips?" she answered.
"Do I look like I have birthing hips?" she answered.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Simply the best
Another Jake-ism:
"Good relationships inspire each partner to the best of themselves; the best inspire both partners to create — together — something of special significance, a greater good, a union of two individuals that bears the fruit of something even more sublime than possible on their own."
"Good relationships inspire each partner to the best of themselves; the best inspire both partners to create — together — something of special significance, a greater good, a union of two individuals that bears the fruit of something even more sublime than possible on their own."
Particularly
(I totally stole this from Jake)
"In that high place in the darkness, the two oddly sensitive human atoms held each other tightly and waited. In the mind of each was the same thought: “I have come to this lonely place and here is this other.”" - Sherwood Anderson - Winesburg, Ohio
"In that high place in the darkness, the two oddly sensitive human atoms held each other tightly and waited. In the mind of each was the same thought: “I have come to this lonely place and here is this other.”" - Sherwood Anderson - Winesburg, Ohio
I'll take a Manhattan, please...
A January Manhattan. She was so tired of thinking about booking the flight to the big apple in the face of all the practical reasons not to. She turned off the lights on the rationale that looped in her mind - the white noise that stifled any forward movement towards her heart's desire.
"I'm tired of waiting," she said to herself. It only took a New York minute to book that ticket after all that deliberation and 'head vs.heart' mumbling. Her big spirit reserves needed some filling at the big city watering hole of creative buzz - and other adorable and chocolate dipped sights.
"I'm tired of waiting," she said to herself. It only took a New York minute to book that ticket after all that deliberation and 'head vs.heart' mumbling. Her big spirit reserves needed some filling at the big city watering hole of creative buzz - and other adorable and chocolate dipped sights.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
What's love got to do with it
With all of the mindfulness in relationships that I've seen/heard/read lately, it all makes me fully realize that healthy relationships pose all of the lessons for self growth. Any lessons not learned in past relationships, and left unreconciled, will be thrown right back in your face in the next relationship. And, we've all got our own set of lessons to learn in this lifetime. Being in a relationship amplifies the opportunity for self growth.
In a sense, relationships are the new ashram.
Like the Eskimo's many words for 'snow', the word 'love' has a plethora of meanings in our culture -- from the romance of chemistry, to the results of arranged marriages, and all the many layers of Hollywood's silver screen imprints in between -- What's love but a sweet old fashioned notion? With all these nuances and images, lyrics and emotions, do we really know what love is? What does real love look like?
A few years back, I asked this of my therapist at the time: "What's an ideal relationship look like?"
He replied that once a commitment is made the main theme in a healthy relationship should be about personal growth: "I think marriage is a state of firm long-term intention to do our best to be in a mutually supportive relationship, "in sickness and in health." This is how arranged marriages can be so enduring, and romantic marriages so often end in divorce. The fundamental concept also has to do with purpose. If the purpose of marriage is to have the other person make us happy, we are in for a rough ride because they will inevitably disappoint in one way or another. If the purpose of life is the fulfillment of consciousness - and we are intentionally, consciously using marriage as a way to confront and work with our limitations and complex personality structures - we have a chance."
Easier said than done - indeed. No one ever said inner work was a piece of cake, but with the right intention and momentous presence, hopefully you can have your cake and eat it too.
In a sense, relationships are the new ashram.
Like the Eskimo's many words for 'snow', the word 'love' has a plethora of meanings in our culture -- from the romance of chemistry, to the results of arranged marriages, and all the many layers of Hollywood's silver screen imprints in between -- What's love but a sweet old fashioned notion? With all these nuances and images, lyrics and emotions, do we really know what love is? What does real love look like?
A few years back, I asked this of my therapist at the time: "What's an ideal relationship look like?"
He replied that once a commitment is made the main theme in a healthy relationship should be about personal growth: "I think marriage is a state of firm long-term intention to do our best to be in a mutually supportive relationship, "in sickness and in health." This is how arranged marriages can be so enduring, and romantic marriages so often end in divorce. The fundamental concept also has to do with purpose. If the purpose of marriage is to have the other person make us happy, we are in for a rough ride because they will inevitably disappoint in one way or another. If the purpose of life is the fulfillment of consciousness - and we are intentionally, consciously using marriage as a way to confront and work with our limitations and complex personality structures - we have a chance."
Easier said than done - indeed. No one ever said inner work was a piece of cake, but with the right intention and momentous presence, hopefully you can have your cake and eat it too.
Catch me if you can
"I don't get it," she said. "I've never been asked out. I mean, am I unapproachable? I'm adorable, not a knockout, I can't imagine that would be an issue..."
"It's not that." he said. "You've always been amazingly independent and content with yourself -- both are great qualities, you shouldn't change. But some guys don't know how to even touch that. There's no weak spot."
This subtle revelation made her re-consider, momentarily, the aspect of "the hunt" in which the boys are to lead in this game. Maybe the culture of courtship asks too much of boys to play the instigator? (What happened to Grecian goddess of the same character - that of the huntress complete unto herself? The gods got creative...and great stories were made.) To counteract the imposing nature she apparently aired, she could let any forthcoming beaus know she was interested, but subtly, so as to not create a scene. But then, she had her druthers. She'd rather be pursued, by a confident god.
"It's not that." he said. "You've always been amazingly independent and content with yourself -- both are great qualities, you shouldn't change. But some guys don't know how to even touch that. There's no weak spot."
This subtle revelation made her re-consider, momentarily, the aspect of "the hunt" in which the boys are to lead in this game. Maybe the culture of courtship asks too much of boys to play the instigator? (What happened to Grecian goddess of the same character - that of the huntress complete unto herself? The gods got creative...and great stories were made.) To counteract the imposing nature she apparently aired, she could let any forthcoming beaus know she was interested, but subtly, so as to not create a scene. But then, she had her druthers. She'd rather be pursued, by a confident god.
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