I asked my therapist what he felt the ideal course of a relationship should be. He said that the courtship period of a relationship is undervalued in this culture. In his view, there should be a 3-6 month get-to-know-you period before getting in the sack.
Based on my casual research on courtship in America, I kinda hafta agree with him. These days, pre-relationships seem to move at the speed of "How soon can I make you comfortable enough to have sex with me?" instead of peaking infinite curiosity in the midst of attraction such as: "Who are you - and are you a good fit for me and my personal growth?"
Sex-too-soon complicates things by putting out feelings of attachment to someone you may not even want to be attached to, chemically speaking.
But this is where others fear to tread: According to my therapist, there are 5 main topics that a couple looking for an intimate partner needs to agree upon (or fully respect the others position) not only before the M-word, but before things start getting hot and heavy on the physical plane: religion, children, money, sex and marriage.
It sounds so catholic and processed. Where's the heat of the moment, the passion - right? But energetically speaking, it can take the aura up to 7 years to clear from each sexual partner that we have due to the deep emotional imprints of each relationship or encounter. That's a long time - and also a testament to the power of intimacy.
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About Me
- Ali
- Fascinated by the movement of desire through Myth, literature, lyrics, religions, history, and shared experience -- and loving any good love story that arrests the heart and warrants a good sized cry towel -- I am a hopeless romantic at heart. But also a heady academic with a penchant for the feminine divine, who is rooted in a darling body wrought with emotions and feelings and perceptions of the vast and interpersonal relationships of the world, and effervescently intrigued by the dissolution of the fuzzy boundaries of self and other. More about me here: www.auspiciousprojects.com and twitterpated here: @manifestcookies
1 comment:
sex gets you in the wrong relationship -- sets an emotional committment before you know if there is any other substantial committment to the relationship. can you put emotions aside once you start having sex with someone? there's something to be said about forming a close emotional connection thru courtship.
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