Thursday, January 28, 2010

Express your admiration

On a chilly evening this week, still missing about 3 nights of sleep, I ventured up the street to a divine meeting of brilliant women to enjoy wine and cheese and other yums and toss some topics into a bowl for big ol' discussions.

The first topic up for discussion that evening - after a report back to the group on success of the previously touted and oft doubted Man List ("I think it works..." I winked) -- was the topic of fidelity. That topic merged nicely with the next - which was marriage.

The responses voiced from around the room were as varied as the experiences of each of the women. One woman, who had always wanted to be married, had been in a relationship for 7 years with a man who'd been wed previously and was in no hurry - until she finally voiced that it was important to her. One divorced woman said she didn't need to be married again. One divorced woman said she wanted to be married again - that she wasn't going to be a girlfriend for 5 + years at her age.

Both of the women who'd never been married both voiced that they wanted to. From the married women, the voices were just as disparate. One was questioning her own marriage and flirting with getting out; one was loving motherhood and experiencing the frustrations of togetherness with her beau; and the other loved being married and considers her main squeeze as her best friend forever.

I sat there and listened to this texture of responses - so rich, and each rooted in their own context - and thought about my own position on the subject after a year of being out of a 7 year relationship that ended in divorce. And as my mind lingered with each of these ideas, I made a mental note to pick up Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Committed sooner rather than paperback-later.

Before I got married, I wasn't entirely stoked about the idea. I didn't really feel like I needed the commitment, the piece of paper, the legal binding. But I was also with someone who I wasn't entirely nuts about to begin with (but let's save that for later). However, as I sat there and checked in with myself, I realized I would do it again, but I'd take all I learned with me (mainly: to not ignore the heart's affections...or lackthereof).

This morning, I happened to follow a headline about Johnny Depp to a short blurb about the mother of his children and their relationship. I smiled at what she had to say about him - about the friendship, the admiration and the respect they have for each other, and how he fascinated her, still:

"I could go on and on about all the things I admire in him," she says. "I like watching him when he's thinking, when he's talking with people. I like seeing how he handles situations. I admire him as an actor, as a father, as a man. Above all, I admire the person he is. He's fantastic."

There's nothing like expressing your admiration (is it done enough? hardly). And when it comes down to it, I want to be nuts about someone and have someone be nuts about me - in mutual resonance. That seems mighty fine. Wedding or not.

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