The O in my alphabet

"The O in my alphabet is missing," I confessed to the table. "...And, I really doubt that it's female sexual dysfunction."

"Wait," they said in unison. "You've never had an orgasm?"

"I don't think so, at least nothing mind blowing..." she said with a shrug. "Nothing really tingly, either, come to think of it."

Lizzy and Sara looked at each other in disbelief. "Well if you have to think about it, you probably haven't had one," Lizzy offered matter of factly.

I sighed. "This whole between the sheets tussle has really never been that great since day one. But Kyle never seems to have a problem..."

"You need to get a vibrator. I'm telling you -- it changed my life!" Sara pitched.

"What about getting a little drinking buzz on to loosen up before getting it on? Sometimes that's all it takes to really let go," Lizzy asked.

"But I want to be present, to really experience it, to own it, everywhere. I want to feel something expansive, like I've been opened up. I don't think he's ever really done that for me. I don't know if that's something that alternative buzzes can fix."

As the conversation continued, I kept thinking of a passage from Eat, Pray, Love, a book that was lent to me with perfect timing. The author, Elizabeth Gilbert, writes:

"One thing I do know about intimacy is that there are certain natural laws which govern the sexual experience of two people, and that these laws cannot be budged any more than gravity can be negotiated with. To feel physically comfortable with someone else's body is not a decision you can make. It has very little to do with how two people think or act or talk or even look. The mysterious magnet is either there, buried somewhere deep beneath the sternum, or it's not. When it isn't there (as I have learned in the past with heartbreaking clarity) you can no more force it to exist than a surgeon can force a patient's body to accept a kidney from the wrong donor. My friend Annie says it comes down to one simple question: "Do you want your belly to be pressed against this person's belly -- or not?""