Sunday, April 12, 2009

Limits of eternal sunshine

She saw him as she was leaving the post office while finishing up her errands for the week. He was in 'their' old car, the sexy black one with the turbo. She was surprised to see him drive by and wondered if he'd seen her too. Feelings and scenes of the genuinely good moments they'd shared popped onto the silver screen of her physical memory, and again by surprise, she found herself getting a smidge verklempt.

"What is this about?" she wondered as she explored that rising wave of emotions. She made a mental note to see the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Now that she'd been through a breakup, it might make more sense to her.

Later that evening, after reading about personality types in relationship and brain chemistry, she saw their personality strengths and weaknesses at play in the text, and (again) saw how the personal elements closed up and broke down their path together. She could trace it all through their 6 years in togetherness, almost moment by moment, scene by scene.

And not that she wanted to put humpty dumpty back together by any means, she wondered just how things could've should've would've happened had they been able to move through that impasse which caused them to quit each other. What steps would have been necessary to take? What personal growth shifts blossomed forth? What picture would they have painted together on the trailing outcome? Ultimately, how would they have started? How do you remove the layers of bitterness and resentment to dig yourself out of a toxic relationship space?

She knew that such longstanding sediments had built up them in their case. That takes courage and sometimes massive machinery to excavate the malleable soil that may lie beneath the mantles of hardened hearts and the sometimes impenetrable shell of the ego. In their case, breaking up was a long time coming dispite their history and mid-west work ethic. But what does it feel like to walk on the ego shells that have freshly fallen?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

...she also saw the guy who dropped her on the dance floor just the friday before. and the first thought she had when she saw her ex drive by was : "what are the odds that I would see the two guys that let me fall on the same day and the same corner of the county? what a vortex..."